Hi readers, I didn’t think I would be blogging so soon. But you know if you have a blog or a journal/diary that if you have the itch to write you have to get it out your system…. Hence this blog.
Would I say there is any point to this blog? I don’t really know, one thing I know is that I feel I have to get something off my chest, and we all know how annoying I can be sometimes :p
I have been stuck in a rut these past few months as you know but I have been trying to get myself back on track. I created this place so I could be myself and 9/10 I feel I am not being open or honest enough. Mainly due to fear of not having people like me… that is if people like me in general. I mean I know this blog is nothing fancy or special. I am forever changing it. Due to fear of people not liking my content. Yet I never provide enough for people to read/view. I know I am a mum to 5 kids, but that does not mean I have my head screwed on. I am sometimes a bigger kid than my own kids. I am trying to get that adulthood head on, I am still here, I am still trying to give myself a reason for being. But when the anxiety kicks in of being judged or laughed at. I feel “Why bother, quit while your a nobody” But that wasn’t the reason I started to blog. I started as mum who wanted to share her life story for anyone who wished to read it. I don’t know where I went wrong, but I did… and I am trying to hard to make myself heard with nothing to show for it. I am slowly falling apart with ideas that are never finished. I am closed myself from wanting to vlog due to my self image I fear myself yet again. It has only been this month that I am seeing that I know what I want to do. Taking on new challenges, re-visiting the old ones and taking them head on and if I fail. I shall not dwell on it. Nobody is perfect, I am not perfect, nor will I ever will be. I am not here to seek some fame or fortune from this I am just here to entertain, I am here because I feel that I have something to share…. My life, my kids life like so many others are already doing. I just don’t know why I can not find the faith to continue like when I made vlogs, and gaming videos, posting regular blogs before the summer. I have crashed and I am taking on too much at once trying to get my flow back. If I ever get it back, which I really hope I do as it saddens me to sit around doing hardly anything anymore. I am not as happy as I was. I feel a hole is missing from my life and I know its what I am not doing.
What I Must Do!
- Find and pay a professional who knows adobe after affects.
- Get my intro/outro done for my channel.
- Get back to YouTube.
- Set up a blog posting plan for my gaming blog
- Set up a blog posting plan for my personal blog..
- Not forget who my friends are.
- Don’t let the fear put me off
- Smile knowing that you didn’t give up
I know it is not a very big list, Maybe I am missing things. I hate to think about myself before others, but i cant even help my online friends when I don’t even know who or where I am anymore. No matter what being a mother will never change and the time spent with them makes me wish I was able to share that with you all. To show you all how much they make me smile, How much they mean to me, because a parents love and bond is something that should be shined upon. Be that for the world to see or not!