I made this picture and have been looking from time to time, amazed at how much I adore my family (Still learning to try and tag my personal images too.) I find that quite funny as I do most my images via my mobile due to ease. Most I end up using during the day which gives me nothing to use when it comes to posting my blogs, But I done well and saved this one. My day I suppose has had it’s share of highs and lows, I have worked on the lows, but when it comes to now… writing it feel that low. The night before I went to bed feeling a little low. Not that I really feel ready to talk about what goes on in my scatty head, But somethings are best left unsaid, and now I may of lost a really good friend from it all.
I got my last minecraft book today, So I now own all four 😀
Getting the book early this morning gave me a plan to take on my server, just there was one issue. Where to start, going on minecraft could of helped. Just that was when I was in fits of laughter after being turned into a minecraft villager as had everyone else too. That ended up me going on every server I use laughing for ages, till I saw it was on YouTube (I said I get distracted quite easy)
That then led into watching people I am subscribed to, who I stopped watching feeling like I was that rubbish at doing what they do I would only be letting myself down by watching them. Yet Nearly 4 hrs of watching felt great. Made me miss playing and recording without a care.
Just didn’t notice the time and my kids were due home from school.
From then, my afternoon/evening was dedicated to them, I wonder to myself will I ever record again, do I really want to and if so when will I time the time.
I am seeing the word hitting my head again “Failure”
The one word I avoid, I hate with a passion.
I know when that word is in my head I want to leave
I’ve lost enough close people already why not myself.
I can go unnoticed I do that very well
At night my day and everything I fear haunts me, and the past couple of days have been crazy. Maybe a short break can’t hurt right. A few days away from everything can make things right Maybe not in some aspects of the past couple of days but I can’t sit here and think. This is the part where I say to myself that I will run now and do one of the many things I do with my life to come back and see nothing changed at all and I will feel even more like crap. That’s my loop, and I will have to start my fight over again
So be it, at this time I can not do this.
I may not have many people in my life but the ones I do I mess that up
That is what has lost my control. I can’t deal with loss