Dreaming Big Since 1982
I hope that you all had a festive and humble Christmas and are ready to kick 2017 into a new place. I have come to be thinking and reflecting that I as talulajadeuk know that I’m honestly always trying the best with what I have. Why can I not be like that too and for myself? I’m still a mess, after starting out online as a blogger all them years ago. I can’t control what I do. Mainly because I don’t know what it is I’m actually meant to do. I’m that mum of five amazing children, there my life and the reason I wanted to be a little more than who I was. I’m a gamer on youtube who plays games badly for entertainment purposes and I have tried to be a vlogger once upon a time.
Now I am now here, there and everywhere, always giving an update that I’m still finding it hard to get things done. What things? because only 4 days into a new month and I’m all over the place in confusion with connections and reflections from all different walks of life. This blog alone should have been posted on the first of January, but I held back because what was written didn’t feel like it should be posted. Would have only been another blog telling you what I could be working on but behind the scenes. I’m still lost in a land of unknown wonder. My only reflection is via posts via Instagram yet it isn’t being the person I set myself out to be when I started.
How Did I Start?
I love to write, but anyone who does do this for a living will understand there can be times when you know what you want to say. You just lack the expression of them words and by the time you look back you have done nothing but made yourself think of more excuses to fail than you did to get your idea out there. That has been me for a long time now I want to change that, so this post I couldn’t be more open and honest with myself and with you all.
As a child, I was always scribbling short little stories and poems about things that would pop into my head. talulajadeuk was also created and could be based around being an imaginary friend. Yet as encouraged as I was back then to continue and write a story I closed myself off. Scared of being laughed at or worse having ideas and stories stolen.
As I moved from my hometown of London to a new place in Lancashire. I became even more withdrawn from being that child I used to be. From the age of six up to my teens, I was always kind of a loner. When I got into my teens, I was struggling but what teens don’t have their issues. Yet talulajadeuk was still there as a comfort because I felt lost and alone. As I grew up that character came with me and a part of her became part of me.
Present & Future
As I not only express I now see what it is I should have been doing. I should have created the one thing I should of as a child. I am now taking 2017 to write. I’ve already begun writing a story and if you know me. I will be a while, have a lot to plan, plot and produce. The imaginary friend I created who is now my inner diva is about to rise from the ashes. I have given myself a goal and checkmark to review this, along with raising my kids and working. I really want to face this fear of mine and not hide behind the small self-image she has online. Don’t worry I am not vanishing, I’m just living again.