You will think I am crazy after reading this, but…. I wanted to express something.
(We already know your crazy, just get on with it will you!)
It’s hard to start really, I know I am a little over creative, but back in the day where being a little more creative was a good thing, I created a character in my mind. A character that wasn’t like anything I had met or had seen before. Now to dwell back to the days when I created her would mean talking about my past. I don’t think that really needs to happen. Unless in time my past comes to haunt me then of course I will have to open up, but I say what I say to protect people from my past who are now living normal and ordinary lives. (Lucky Them)
So yea, I created a person who I felt wasn’t me, had nothing to connect towards except that I made her. Her name… “Summer Ann” I had her created for a world that I had stumbled upon via a friend I had made a few days before I created Summer Ann. There isn’t no way of trying to sugar coat this but I was a role player, via MySpace. Now don’t sit thinking and laughing “Ewww” Because it wasn’t that type of role play. This is a world that was filled with so many people all over the place all hiding within these characters, Famous or not… making a story for themselves.
I suppose you could say they were writing there own novel, in a day to day basis. I was addicted.
Summer Ann didn’t last as long as i would like her to as my story online took so many different paths that I was losing myself in a fake world now. So talking to a few people I re-vamped myself. Taking a little bit of me and creating someone who took MySpace by storm.
I had created Talula Jade. A young girl lost in not knowing where she would fit in or who she would become with the crazy decisions that she made. Over the years of playing her online and letting others share in the build up of her massive story, MySpace started to become a thing of the past… the people who were big names there were becoming a memory. As was I, I was starting a family, I had moved house and trying to find time to be Talula to wasn’t happening.
Anyone who knew me as her and not the few fakes that tried to be her just to steal Talula’s BFF and also boyfriend. Knew that I played her down to the list detail. She had a very crazy background… yet she made it fit to be able to work around the 4K friends she would role play with on a daily basis. Just one thing came that took a massive turn. After Talula got married, which was something I didn’t think she would never do, I started to fade away… The guy who was playing her husband now, also BFF online and now in real life, was getting a life. His job was taking off and his social life, uni were on top on him. We spoke, we fought… we drifted apart to cut a long story short. One thing I would never forget was that he told me that “The lives we both led, would so make a bestseller” I never forgot that, and I have spent the last few years trying to work on that best seller. Maybe one day I may finish because everything comes to an end!
I wanted to share this because sometimes I think I get lost in who I am and who I used to be. I keep the name Talula Jade…. because she is still alive inside of me. I am writing a book based on her and her life that I created for her, the people she met, the laughs, the tears and the dreaded heart ache over the people she/I lost over them years. This what I have spoke of is just a small snip from the life I used to live. Do I miss it ? A little… Would I go back to that life? No!
Talula Jade is now my online name, my fake creation I give myself to hide my real name, my real life. There is nothing wrong is wanting to hide away from being yourself online.
talulajadeuk is a gaming character now… going on her adventures in taking on things that I myself are still learning. I have never done anything out of sorts that wasn’t in a good nature.
I love to make friends, meet people I know that I will never meet in person, but I have met people who are feeling so low they cant bear to be themselves anymore. Talula has somewhat given them hope. Given them a reason a live and to get out into the world and to grasp it before there time runs out…. I should take my own advice sometimes too. I have been a few names online. Not that I will mention them. But the ones that have taken me places… the ones that I know have either helped people… or helped myself are the names I will continue to use.
Sazzywils && Talulajadeuk
They say that everyone’s life has a purpose, Maybe helping others is mine.
Maybe to help me is an selfish act to myself.
Would answer why I can never get my YouTube channel started.
Why I always feel like I aim to fail.
This blog so far seems to be the only thing I have got right
Other than being a parent to 5 amazing children.
Being a somewhat partner to a man I have dated on and off for the past 16 years.
A man who I can not stand, yet can not live without him.
He is the father to the children, He helped to give them life
Yet we can never hardly be a couple yet, till we know what we want!
My real life and my online life always finds a way of colliding. If I could find a line so I can be with myself than always acting out I am talulajadeuk. Maybe just maybe… we could be.