You Are My Sunshine, Yet You Shattered All Of My Dreams

The other night, dear As I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you in my arms When I awoke, dear I was mistaken So I hung my head and I cried. You are my sunshine My only sunshine You make me happy When skies are gray You’ll never know, dear How much I love you Please don’t take my sunshine away I’ll always love you And make you happy And nothing else could come between But if you leave me to allow another You’ll have shattered all of my dreams You are my sunshine My only sunshine You make me happy When skies are gray You’ll never know, dear How much I love you Please don’t take my sunshine away | Follow my Playlist and listen to the song to this blog

The Time Has Come…

I would like to say I have avoided this for quite some time now, mainly because of reasons I could bring myself to face. Now, what has come to pass and with people asking me along with actions beyond my control that I couldn’t control. I felt it was about time I cleared this up the only way I know how and that is here where I know in time It may offer help to others and maybe even myself to look back on that sometimes our actions can cause a shift to something you can never get back because how it changed the person you didn’t mean to hurt as bad as you did.

After The Storm Sunshine Lights The Way To A New Life

My past before I started blogging was never one to be sad about in my life. I had my children who mean the world to me. Yet to be told I needed to look after myself to took a long time to understand what that actually meant and how to find it was going to be something I didn’t know I could do. I loved to express myself and I tend to do that often and too much can be expressed leaving me left wide open with no comfort. This is one of them times now and this will be the time I actually find hard to even think of let alone write and express with you all. I found a place where I may have been left outside alone in this self-loving, but I found comfort in something and enjoyed it that much I wanted to do so much more. During that time in 2013, I stumbled on someone who cutting it out as I just rather keep what I feel inside my head but this someone was about to be a milestone in my life that gave much more meaning than anything I could ever have imagined. This someone over time became my sunshine, I was given a life again after many years feeling cold and being in the dark for such a long time. Depression is a hard thing to battle alone. When I began blogging I was looking to grieve I was looking for answers, I was looking for a reason. I then began to change as my posts did.

Anyone of us can give into temptation

I became quite overjoyed in my current lifestyle, thinking and questioning how I deserved it instead of enjoying it for what it was. By 2015, things began to turn sour and my life was turned upside down, yet feeling like at the time I was coping well I look back now and see I didn’t as much as I felt I was doing the right things some things I was but some and one being the most important I was letting slip away. By the end of December 2016, I knew I had gone above and beyond to please people around me, yet going back to the sunshine I saw it was gone, just a cloud was there and my heart was lost and alone and unsure of what had happened, now I made a stupid and foolish mistake. Hearts were broken, tears were shed. I didn’t want to lose so I continued to charge forward with the way of thinking I was told to have, yet I wasn’t really thinking for myself I was thinking what I was told to think, told to feel. I felt the rays of sunshine fade away over me Why didn’t  my sunshine over anyone would understand that and tell me. I was lost and needed to find my way back. Yet I let go of that sunshine and I was left frozen. What had I gone and done to get to this place?

Was it too good to be true?

The moment the new year started I made a promise to myself, one I have tried to share in my everyday life. I wasn’t going to let myself be manipulated ever again. I may have been bitter, and hurt from what I had done. But being bitter to my own actions could never take away the hurt of what I had done to someone I would never dream of hurting. On the 20th Jan 2015. I brought these Infinity Necklaces they had reason and purpose to them plus in the title I gave them said enough. It was all I had left of the sunshine I once had in my life, to be able to hold the smallest ray of sun in my hand was a drive to push myself to try to fix this, yet not letting anyone know what I was doing as I stated I express a little too much and well look at where it has got me.

Infinity

My leave was as painful as it was towards the one who gave me life. I made a massive mistake. I felt I did, and it was killing me so I stuck on a brave face to one day find my way back to that light that made me feel whole again. When I did after a whole month of doubt and writing out things I could face myself to send in case I was ignored I finally made contact and was torn apart, broken all over again in new ways to be broken to know that in less than a month of breaking up they had moved on to someone else. Now if you know the real me you will know I don’t do emotion, But I have never cried so much over that one moment than I did that day. My actions after that was one of a heartbroken desperate person who no matter what was told I was delusional on love, I had no hope at all trying to work towards us, was told I will never be loved by them again, told I wasn’t worth the fight and they didn’t want anything I had tried to offer because they didn’t have to explain anything to me. The light I called my sunshine was gone and clearly I made another mistake trying to think we were stronger and could have come back from this.

You Are My Sunshine

Don’t Worry About Me

Define the purpose of friend? A friend who let you down yet you had more than a friendship once.

If we clearly were something special once it is not going to be anything no more. I am glad now that I don’t need to hold my breath in hope for forgiveness after trying to explain myself because, a friend no matter what would listen, and understand that things happen for a reason and a friend will be there for you without question. I once read that a simple talk can save millions of relationships in this world. Only if both sides will be open to make things right. I felt lost and I managed to find my way again, and back to where my heart led me, but my heart was wounded but will repair and over time I hope as it may sound that when he sees me happy with or without love. I learned to forgive myself, I learned to never let go of what mattered most, I learned that happiness comes in the form and ability to deal with the problems you face. Until my next post, I will be focused on the light I found for myself so from what he asked of me “Farewell LulaBya”