Stuck In A Rut!

Day7: I feel like I am never getting anywhere, stuck in a routine that… is so hard to get out of that I think to myself. “Is there any point in speaking in this house, will whatever I say ever be heard?” I suppose as a parent we have all said that to ourselves. I say it a lot, just never for the world to read. I guess that I hope there will be someone who will see this and think “Yea, I feel that way too”, but I lasted the 7 day trial I gave myself. (mainly to see if I would give up and hide)
 
I must admit I am a little close to doing that. See the last few days I have watched my online life come slowly to a close. I have not recorded any new minecraft videos, not even attempted to work on the idea I had pitched down on paper. I am scared to speak of it knowing my Minecraft skills are rubbish so the idea would be stolen and used and I would be gutted. #LulaLearns
 
I am still having issues with my domain after being terminated for forgetting to pay my monthly bill. I had a feeling I would of been shocked about losing my minecraft server. But I am more gutted that I have now got a messed up DNS and can not connect to my blog using talulajadeuk.com unless I am using the (www.) at the start. I have find via trial and error what the problem is and seeking help just led me to know that it is the same problem, but as to a way to fix it. I can not figure that part out so I am trying to get my host to fix it for me because I can not fix something that isn’t there. So only they can do that for me and I will be happy again.
 
I forgot then for a second too.. (thinking about myself again)
“Happy Mother’s Day” To you you fantastic mum even the angelic ones above!
I would of said I had a great day, but my toddlers decided they wanted it to be there day and was a little off today. Hence why there are not any images today, only happy babies for me.
 
I am dying to speak about so much, vent my brain that ticks away saying all kinds but I just have not got the confidence just yet. I know in time I will be able to write the day away, updating via my app then editing via the laptop. Right now I just feel like I will be judged. I feel so fearful that I have noticed I have spent the past week speaking either about my buys or my children. Yet I am to speak about myself unless it has drama or stress as a sub title.
 
A new week is coming our way, A new month to so I hope to try and make more reason to blogging, to why I am here… Maybe along the line I can try and create a week day blog to fit to my life, maybe not. I might keep it as messed up as I am. Knowing that this blog will get me nowhere except a lot of monthly payments to keep the domain attached to it.
 
Do I think the depression is wining ? = ATM, Yes it is.
If it can find a way to knock me down, it is and laughing in my face while I figure out why!
 
It makes me feel so low that I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, I cant take a picture with my children anymore, that does not make me sad, it makes me want to cry.
 
I want my smile back, I want my hyper happy self back.
 
Roll on next week, I’m going to fight again!
 
Peace && Love
Cuttie Kisses 
 
Sazzywils – talulajadeuk 
 
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