So continuing from my previous blog post about my confusion. I wanted to finish what I started and continue to also update you all on the journey of how I have got to where I am right now in my life. So I shall begin even if I am feeling a little wary of how this will be taken. My words are honest and my own reflection of this overall.
Confusion Control | March Mayhem
After a manic few months of stress and confusion after the holidays and also with the breakup of my two and a half year long distant relationship. I was really out of the loop. I took that time to find myself and cut many people out of my life who I felt had hurt me in one of the worse ways anyone could hurt a human being. Leading up to the part where I felt I needed to reach out to people who I could trust, that started a short list of a very few amount of people who I began to talk with about my situation.
One thing I even did after changing my mindset was approaching my now ex-boyfriend. Some things are hard to face and no matter what the worse thing I had done was breaking up with him. Feelings for him was still going strong and I regretted what I did so to contact him this month was one of the biggest things I think I have ever done. I not only made a fool of myself with him but upon reflecting I seen something was part of a bigger picture.
The confusion of a life changing decision
I have never felt as heartbroken as I did and still do, I felt so hurt inside that I couldn’t function, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. But I had one good aspect of it all and that was writing and as harsh as it was to say, fighting well arguing with my ex-boyfriend helped me see that things needed to be changed.
My mindset may have been in a good place but it still needed work. Did I have the confidence to make such a massive change to my life? One thing I knew my self-esteem was at an all-time low. Not just from fighting with my ex, but I felt that way within myself too and I hated what I had become I could also see why my ex-boyfriend now hated me too.
Swing Low, Sweet chariot
I spent a solid week trying to seek answers from certain people and as dumb as people may think I am yes that also includes my ex-boyfriend because no matter what people may think of him, you don’t know him like I do and I know that no matter what we will always be there for each other as friends because real friends do that.
I may still have feelings for him and we may not be together but I trust him to give me the best advice no matter what unlike some people who have pushed me to the limit I am now at as desperate times call for desperate measures.
The Bigger Picture Of Success
I will be blunt, around summer 2016, I had felt down in my business but I sacrificed a lot and to gain nothing much self-doubt, From planning on a daily basis again and still doing small steps in what I wanted to do I was slowly falling and fading away from the company I once believed in. I was not challenged anymore I wasn’t wanting to be part of a company I felt pushed me aside. I didn’t want my customers to buy from a company who I didn’t believe in anymore.
I started to talk to a god friend who not only helped me with there non-judgemental help and advice but they helped me decided that as of 05/04/17 I became a presenter for Younique My account was still there so I reactivated and paid and well since then I felt so much weight taken off my shoulders. I felt for a moment I was alive and I was thankful for taking such a massive step due to not wanting to leave Avon in fear of letting myself down. I already was by staying with them.
Staying Younique To Myself And Others
So as updated as I can make you all, Yes the rumours are true and if I have not replied to you yet then my replies will soon be coming as soon as this is released. Lovetjuk will still live on as it was part of me and not Avon but all things Avon are slowly being removed (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) that will also include any future videos for Avon via my youtube channel. I left in such a sneaky and devious manner, but I had no other choice really because I wanted to stand up for myself and not be told what I should do. Avon HQ already knew of this as did HMRC so I had already put the move into place before I made my final decision.
Here’s to A New future for talulajadeuk
I have contacted my host and have other things into play now and I can start a new chapter of my life, knowing that I may not be truly happy in my life losing the love of my life and him not wanting me back or worse him not loving me after what I have done to him, but I have him in my life and that alone makes me smile each day, I have a reason to be happy for myself in moving job to a company I feel can not only give me the support and encouragement I need but I know I can grow and flourish to be the person I tried to become working for Avon yet was always left behind and in the dark.