Sazzy’s Sorry

You know I had a feeling this week was going to be hard for me…. my mum in hospital, my brother coming up from Surrey, the kids due to finish school and the babies taking on new things and learning each day. I have been wondering where I would find the time for myself. Most parents would know how this feels. Even to stop for just a cup of tea/coffee is a great moment, but say you had a YouTube channel and a blog to run… I am still getting into the whole of keeping myself busy but I find that even harder when I can never get the time to get to that place. I can have my moments where I am able to record and push it out but most days my days are very hectic and this is the reason why this week has been one of the hardest for me. This week I have felt myself slowly sink back into my depression, watching myself as I slip away from people I am close to and doing what I am only used to doing which is sticking on a fake smile so I do not hurt the people I care about. Just this time it hasn’t worked out very well for me and has kind of left me feeling so low that I couldn’t bare to be around myself. I am here now, music in hand and typing away not letting to get that way again. If that means I will have to play away and listen to the theme song of peppa pig and ben & holly then so be it I am ready to take on the depression full on as I do not ish to ever feel that low ever again Why I did not see the signs that I was sinking I don’t know, Maybe because all my emotions were everywhere as it was with family related things. I have not been vlogging so please forgive me about that… I just didn’t see it as a good thing. A part of me is glad I never as I wasn’t really myself as much. Anywho…. Moving away from the darkside, I hope to be able to blog some positive things next week, unless something else bad happens to me…. Maybe I should plann ahead as that has been one thing that has saved me this week. I planned ahead and uploaded ahead of myself so I wasn’t letting anybody down, which I still think I am doing…. One being letting myself down. I am trying everyone I really am!