Planning & Niche’s

Well I am glad to be back, yet I am still unsure of quite a lot of things.
When I started this blog after going back and checking I saw it was book related.
That got me into looking at other peoples blogs, as they are in different categories.
Where was I placed, I wanted to entertain, not that I will do fantastic at it, but I could try.
So I had to re-think about what I wanted. This blog will be last forever, nor will this blog be here when I am long gone and deep in the ground. Sorry had to be said. Unless my children are going to keep the blog going and paying the bill every month (lolz) 
It was then I started to think about my kids. would it be great to offer them a place where they can see what I looked liked. Saying that as I got to excited and forgot the meaning…
I am thinking of building myself as as entertainer but I am basing it on the future children in my timeline, the ones I will never meet. Them great-grand kids who will wonder in life what myself and the kids dad was like. That gave me a reason to want to vlog.
My camera is here now and I love it to bits. It has its flaws but its good enough for me.
I have tried and tested it out but my confidence in talking to people (for YouTube) is a daunting thing. I tried to talk for a couple of days but the looks I was getting from people in the street or from my kids was so funny, yet it stopped me wanting to record, I tried to record the kids but 9/10 they knew I was trying and would strip so I couldn’t film them. (Sneaky Kids)

So I am kinda still stumped… Whats worse is I am noticing that I would rather watch vlogger than try to vlog myself, I am even thinking of stopping the gaming videos I never really started.
I may make a series for my own personal modpack I have been working on and building up.
I am using the mods for the series in my guide series to minecraft.
I don’t know if this is what I really want, or if I am using this as a excuse to not record games or vlogs. But like I said this blog will not be here forever. Where a video on Youtube if planned right to make a family named account could work. The future kids in my timeline that I will not get to meet could see what we was doing here in 2014 or something. That is something that makes me smile… To film my kids as they grow up and me as I still go stir crazy in my never ending decisions in what I want to do with my life. A part of me feels that vlogging, blogging, playing games, recording games, and raising 5 kids is something that can not be done now.
No wonder why I felt so overwhelmed by it all. If I can learn the things I need to learn to get me started. Without the haul of going into education, unless I save up and learn from home (if there is a course out there for what I need to learn…) I should be able to have a few little intros and outros for my YouTube Channel. I can be set as a based family person and a noob gamer, because I am never able to get into a game long enough to be a pro. Unless its a Bioshock game, then I will not rest till the game is finished lolz. My as a set plan of mine I would like to learn how to make intros and outros like vloggers use, and trust me I have looked into how and even looked on YouTube but was only given videos to people’s vlog introductions, and not a guide to vlogging. So do people just go with the flow then and learn as they go, or get subscribers and fans to help by creating things for them. I am a noob, nobody knows me on the internet unless its from Hollyoaks, My Mad Fat Diary, or just mainly my Hollyoaks twitter account. It has been the home to my socialite days for a few years now… But I wanted  a touch of the limelight on myself. Yet I still support the show in every way possible 😉
My plans have taking me on one amazing journey and I have found new vloggers to watch from it. From a learning side of it, I have not found much for me to reach my goal, nor do I know the step to take next. I can record a video, I can edit the video/videos to make it look better so If I had to stop quick I can cut it out and just have the fun bits in there 😀
I just fear being a newb, I will be making a fool of myself without knowing how to make things like a intro/outro. I was thinking of ditching my channel and making a new one. because when you make a YouTube channel the name you pick is yours and can not be changed.
But I have had that account for years, Should I leave it as a gaming account, and open a new vlogging account. I know many channels who have more than one channel. That would then mean to me, new e-mail… new channel I have to get the kids to subscribe as there on YouTube also, yet they never use there accounts as I run them for the time being. They are logged in so they can subscribe to there fav people and watch/like videos to supports other YouTubers Channels.
I say my kids but that means my oldest two, my other three children (younger) do not have channels. I seem to be on the YouTube Path big time.. I think about it more than I think about recording a Minecraft video, or making a new series I have wanted to do since last year which was to record the sims 3, and to record using my elgato and making a family based gaming series, maybe a minecraft one or a call of duty… but I do not seem to care for it anymore.
I still play them, don’t get me wrong I love playing games. Alone, or with my kids but I would rather have my mind focused elsewhere. I have been doing more work to my control journal. FlyLady has helped loads with her site and info, but having a large family I have to mold it to fit my family, which I found so hard with all I had on my shoulders, So being the last week of the month I plan to change so much to what I was doing to what I think I should be doing.
A week away from what I was rushing to do before has left me with so much free time on my hands, time I have been able to put to good use. I was somewhat scared of what I was starting to see that I was doing to myself. I had been living in my own little never, never land. Only seeing that I am a 32 yr old woman with 5 kids, and no plans in life. I can’t sit around forever.
I can let my kids see me grow old knowing I never done anything with my life. 
I maybe scared to be behind the camera right now, But I have faced so much lately that it will only be a matter of time before I am vlogging and gaming and taking on all I want and with smile on my face that I did it, and not sitting there moaning about how it would be nice if I could do these things…. Only Time Will Tell “Mwah”
Peace && Love
Cuttie Kisses