Hello Lovelies, so March has begun and there has been snow all over the place. Way to confuse the country. I have been up to all kinds since my last post, mainly soul searching. I have the up most busiest lifestyle and worse I keep taking on more and more, then wonder why I am getting stressed out. I decided a week late that for lent I would give up on stress by cutting out the things that stress me out. Being a full time mum is the best part of my life and what I do in my life makes me feel like I am missing out on watching them grow up, watching and seeing them lash out and moan about the smallest things. With that being said I am still undergoing a massive revamp of so many things that I still do not know where to start. Making a list would be a great start but “Blah” its one of them love to hate relationships trying to admit that I have flaws. Trying to express on paper that I am struggling with things because I feel as it is me I have to be perfect, I have to have everything under control to show others that I am coping well. when on the inside I am falling apart all over the place.
I made a great dinner once for my children and all the hard work and effort I did to make it and all I got was questions and moaning to then none of them eating it. I saw that I rushed in making the food so I could sit on social media and do what I do best. NOTHING. I sat and read what everyone lives was about even made the odd post myself be that for life or work but I was not happy at all. My children went to bed and I was missing out on things again. I need to find a way to take charge of my life like I am doing in small ways… such as my money I am now able to balance that more. I am not splurging out on silly little things and I have even made myself a nice stock supply of food in the house if times get tough. Ask, Believe, Receive. That is how I am trying to look at my life, and it has been working as reluctant as I have been to even try it. “Why would good things happen to me” They wont if I keep thinking that way. So I need to stop and take each day as a day to smile again.
I know this blog has not been filled with the best of things/news but I have been waiting to get to that My children have been amazing, getting rewards and being so good that I am getting stopped by there teachers on how good and well behaved they are. Does that mean the parenting course (the incredible years) is working. I always felt it wasn’t because they still play up, they still do not seem to understand that what I am trying to explain is either a good thing or a bad thing. One thing I need to spend a little more time not disappointing myself and disapproving myself. I look for the good in the children and the moment I do not see if I feel like I am a fault. Something I need to work on.
My blog is my home to my creative thinking… My blog is the hub to where I can speak freely. Mainly because I am not a brave person and I find speaking face to face a big milestone I am not ready to take on at this moment in time. But all in all I need to take this time out to read back the words I have spoke to feel that positive vibe inside of me. The feeling I get each day but it never lasts. whilst at the same time stay being the good mum I get told I am, keep the house clean and try to teach my boys to lift the toilet seat up because I am sick of seeing there pee on the toilet seat.
I need to see that no matter what nobody’s perfect, meal times are always hectic and at some point I will get that mojo inside of me to shine a little longer than a few hours. Until next time I will now try my best to get my sick kids better and then myself better whilst drinking as much coffee as possible.
Peace & Love – #lovelula