I Will Fly High!

So many blogs, today but I need to get them out now in order to start what I planned. This will be the start of it as I feel that I need to get the frustration out there of how hard I seem to be finding the FlyLady Control journal. Maybe frustration is too harsh. As I can be either forgetful or I am sidetracked into doing something else. But I have spent that much time doing it that I refuse to go forward till I have it finished, regardless of how I feel, or if I am in a load of pain.
If I want to get my life in order, and take charge like I used to. I need rid of the depression!

(Image Found On Twitter) – I do not own ownership but I felt It was me to a circle.

I worry loads, about the smallest things to the daft things. Either way these things can sometimes spoil my day completely due to actions of stress and lack of sleep.
I say the most stupid things, cause arguments with people over nothing!
I worry about my kids, have they ate enough, do I need to change the babies?
I shouldn’t be changing my son now, he should be potty trained !!!!!
Should I start training my little girl of 15 months ?
Because I can afford that at this moment in time!!!!!!!
I should start the dinner/tea, but it’s 9am o_0
I could go on and on about my list of worries and I am sure you have your own too
Mine make me feel so small that I feel useless, helpless being a mother of 5.

I know now after the years have gone by in my bubble dream world
Being talulajadeuk as myself, as a character for my novel 
I am slowly wanting my life back, I want that mummy lifestyle back
What had I been doing that whole time that had been keeping me on track?
What if going back to my dream bubble is better than being a normal human being.
I may of been alone, but I got so much done, I planned so far ahead of time
I struggle now to get out of bed every morning!

My kids are the only ones keeping me wanting to get that normal life
Keeping me to take that step into kicking depression into touch
Placing talulajadeuk into the character she started out as
not as the person I was trying to become. 

I know FlyLady does not solve my issues into depression, nor can she help me to take that step into being a mother again, but she can help to get my life into a routine that I swear to follow
I swear to keep by and teach them to my children if they ever feel like I do
As for the whole friend issue, I should maybe reach out to them and see how they are seeing as I think I have fell of the planet again. I felt the need to also have praise in my life.
I felt I needed to be encouraged to do anything then to be guided by that.

Yet here I am alone and I run 2 domains, a blog, a minecraft server, a YouTube channel, 5 kids and a house that needs more love than anything. To get this far without that reassurance  all the time feels good. I know I am getting somewhere each time I make a post. If I can do this I can get better…. I can be myself, I can learn to fly

Peace && Love
Cuttie Kisses 
Sazzywils – talulajadeuk 
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