How I organised my life then let it crumble.
There has always been a place in my heart for keeping myself going, but when I slowly began to lose myself back in 2013 I tried to bring myself back in a whole new way. Blogging, that way I always had something to look back on. To see what I have come though and how I was able to face everything, but I have seen that after 2 years of blogging, I have done nothing that I wouldn’t do in my normal offline life. Build up so many projects that I can’t not keep up.
In September this year, I watched my life fall apart with the death of one person who kept me on track. My mum passed on the 16th and since then I have closed my overall emotions.
I knew my life was a mess and now it got worse loosing my mum, I was trying and taking new paths in life but now all I can see is problem after problem in my path. Are my kids going to join me, I really hope not, because I don’t want to spoil there lives also.
Since the summer of 2015 I have had my life ripped apart from me, by the start of September it was given back to me, so I began to juggle the pieces of my life to start it over, but then my mum made me loose the plot. I lost it in ways that I am so thankful for having my kids and my sister and brother and there families in my life. Along with my boyfriend and his family even if they are like on the other side of the world. I have never felt closer to them than I do now.
My rise and fall has hit me pretty deep, even if I never raised myself to be anything I was just trying to pick up my broken pieces of a past I once had, place them back together so I can move on. But now I need to start over by adding some new pieces of my shattered life. Just I do not plan on letting any of my emotions slip once. I will make choices I may regret, but I will be living for the love and happiness of my children including myself when I can find that selfless reason to smile, that does not put me in a horrid situation of self destruction again. which I did often.
I will keep a record of my progress and ask for help where needed and not feel that being a single working parent that I have to do it all alone. I will not let myself fall any more.
I will take my stand, and if I fall behind… that is okay as long as I do not fall!