Hello Lovelies, Hope all is well with you and that you have not missed me moaning too much. lol. But to the purpose of this blog. Well I wouldn’t call this a rant, so grab a coffee and some nibbles as I dig down into this blog and express the wonders of talulajadeuk – #lovelula – The misguided mother who is trying to find her place in the world still. whilst trying to juggle being a mother.
January – 2016 – The New Me Plan
I knew when I began this year that I was going to feel worse than I felt. The feeling of guilt was going to hit me harder than ever. I was still trying to convince myself that I was fine and didn’t need to seek any form of help at all. I was so in for a shock. I am the kind of humble girl who can never say no to anybody. Why, I will let you know when I figure that one out as it is part of my to-do list. But I was taking on so much that it was killing me to even sleep without being stressed out. I wasn’t eating as I felt I couldn’t let anybody down. Yet at the same time I could hear a nagging in my head asking question after question. Most I tried to block out and get on with not letting anyone down, till I was sitting in a self confidence class I started that month, reflecting on what I can do with my life if I put my heart into it.
I sat dwelling on this, still am now to this moment in time, what do I want to put my heart into? If I found something what would I need to do to take it a step further? The questions began again. Tick follow tock of questions in my head. Causing me to go on a social search hype of finding inspirational things, people to find the answers. Did I find them? In a blunt and honest way no, it only left me thinking of more questions without any answers which caused my stress levels to boil.
I decided to give my Avon business another try as I failed to do the actually job I signed up for when I join and ran myself into a pile of debt. How I was going to learn the job. Check the website and training provided seeing as I am housebound and getting to Avon meetings are hard with lack of money and no car, plus there all based to far for me anyway. Excuses after excuses I could go on and on… about how I was going to find it a struggle to run a Avon business. But I said I wasn’t here to moan and rant. So I looked to the Internet to support but lack of confidence kept me from asking questions. Yet I was able to find a lot of good content to get me started in branding your business.
My month consisted of posting inspirational quotes hoping to inspire people to not give up on me. Till I began to wonder who is giving up on me, when were all in the same game? Social networking, Direct selling, Multi Level Marketing. You name it, in the past 6 months I have been a part of it.
Why was I with Avon Cosmetics? Why do people keep trying to sign me up with there businesses. Eg; Nu Skin (Tested), Kleeneze (Tested), Younique (Tested)… Only mentioned the ones I actually joined but what made Avon so glued to me, I was fixated on trying to stick with the one company who I started with, so prove to myself that I can get outside my house and greet people. That I can manage my time better and be a good parent by working with a home business. That I made the right decision in staying with Avon to figure out my self growth. Part of me wishes I wrote most of that down as by the time that was all pondering in my head I was back to the question table again. Looking for answers I wast getting because I was to scared to speak. Letting my frustrations out via Instagram because I didn’t know what else to do. I gained some followers and mainly in the networking business, but I found them as inspirational as the next company. How was I going to be something when all I was doing was not being my true self…. That wasn’t what I wanted. I was meant to be looking into how I can be better at direct selling. By not taking note of the posts I was making was a clear wake up call. So the only way to go was self direction. Let my mind think for me, stop seeking the answers as your clearly not satisfied with the ones you being given and not being given. I wasn’t bitter but I knew that everybody is different and we all seek our own things in life.
What I was seeking was there in my mind crying for me to listen yet I spent my whole time blocking it out because of fear of it being negative, fear of me asking more questions. This lead me to what I became a member of but never took the time to see what they had to offer. Bossbabe! I spent all my time feeling like I could agree with all that was posted on there instagram which I was addicted to, did it lead to asking questions? YES but these questions were to me. What are you doing? Why are you doing that? Do you remember what it was you wanted to do? Funny enough these were questions I could answer, so why wasn’t I putting them to action? Because what I was doing to had nothing to do with what I answering. I was so off track that no wonder I was never satisfied 🙁
February -2016 – The Learning Zone
I knew that what I was doing with my life was not what I wanted and somehow I was turning and twisting it to become the life I had to settle for. I find the reason I was feeling so low, now how I was going to change that. The questions began but they was not feeling me stressed they were filling me with the power of learning. The power of holding and cutting back and seeing the bigger picture because would that be what I would do. regardless of what I was told to do. I mean I work in direct sales so as long as my sales are good there good right. Not going to happen any more and I know the old saying “lesson learnt” but I am the type of girl who at present loses focus and track and can be easily manipulated into anything. That was one thing I had learn about myself. Only took me the longest time but I wast going to let this happen again…. Ooops it happened again. Because at that time it was a habit to be like that. I will be honest with you all. I not looking to invest my time in selling products online for a company when I am already with one and still learning the ropes of that one. This big cat world it seems I have thrown myself into has been a scary place but if you look deep inside you can find some people kind and willing to be as helpful as they can be… Groups who believe they whatever company you are with the journey is to start at not competing but empowering each other. Best thing I had heard in a long time being new meat into the world of networking. I was able to read so much information that grasped my attention and made me re-think a lot of my actions. Self study became the answers to most of the questions I looked for. Bossbabe became a haven of still pure bliss of a chain of all walks of business life.
I knew what I wanted to be and why I forgot, why I pushed it aside I will never know. I am a mother, I am a writer who would love to start a novel series. (when who know but there is no time than the present), I am a blogger of my own life, I have no idea about fashion and beauty but I like it… and if I ever get money to splurge I will make a blog about it, but my blog is not a social selling space for other people unless we are working together. Which is why I became distant from blogger. I blog for myself and for the readers who care about the life I lead. For people to know my story in life. I am a gamer, and I am addicted to gaming (minecraft where I created a gaming community) I was seeing businesses that I forgot about that needed my attention, I was paying for them and all the side projects along side that. with the exception of my gaming server, which my New York boyfriend has coded and created into a fantastic place. Again another business that I was having a lack of care for. I am a video creator, of what? My life and everything that is included… I like to socialise be that with friends and if I get a retweet from someone famous. Back in 2013 I wanted to follow in the path of vlogging like the SacconeJolys…. Have that connection like Zoella and Pointless Blog. Whilst at the same time Make gaming videos and vlogs for viewers I wanted to entertain my sharing my story. My dreams put on hold and there was my answers to what I wanted to do with my life what I wanted to start back in 2013, just last year knocked me of course. Now I am taking more things on in my life and I don’t care but I find the correct way to schedule my life, I can do it all. Not because I am a woman, not because I am a mum… because if you can then you can. You don’t need to find ways of failing before you have even started. Wait You will not be around in the social light as much and people may think you have fell of the earth! Isn’t that what social media is for? E-mail, PM’s I can grow as what I destined as a child to become if I look at everyone else growing. Sitting on my mobile or laptop scrolling…
I swear I will make that a title of my book haha.
If this month has taught me anything, it has taught me that lessons can be learnt but it is what you take from that. I have watched myself jump from one thing to another. “Being called flakey” One thing you don’t know is me, because I didn’t either. I am coasting by in my daily offline life taking my self confidence course, a course in adult maths and hoping to start English so I can be better at spelling, punctuation and grammar. because if your not doing it on the daily you can create our own way of typing and spelling. I want to write my first book without thinking about all the ways I could of made it better. I am not going to care about how a book should be started, as I will never start writing at all because I will only doubt myself again. I am just going to do what I love doing. writing and being a good mum. If people find me a life coach or inspirational speaker and what I say is inspirational then thank you for feeling that way. I am only being true and sharing my story about my walk in life. Which is why I think to put that walk in life into action.
I have no content to share with you all if I don’t go and start living.
Stay Positive and Grateful – One thing I forgot I could do
#lovelula – #talulajadeuk – #SammiWilson
Until Next Time… Stay Dreaming “Mwah”